the free piano and worship ramblings

remember that free piano i begged  asked some guy friends to drive an hour away to go pick up? 

that really really really heavy piano?

oh it's still here.

after a few months of jon asking "are you really going to play this?"

i am determined to do it.

i have started up again (sort of).
trying not to let a completely broken key that doesn't work and the fact that the piano is out of tune stop me.

and though finding the minutes to sit and practice are few and far between, or when the kids don't want to come play a spontaneous "duet" with me by banging on some keys...
i'm trying.
i'm running scales and chords, trying to transition between major, minor and 7th chords...
yeah, i'm not good. 

it's incredibly frustrating all the time at times, but it's good for my mushy brain.

i may never become too proficient.

but it's something i can grow with...because if there is one thing i have learned about myself these past 10 years, and that i blab about constantly, it is that i need to constantly be growing and learning ...in something of the creative nature.

a new thing in regards to music that i haven't really talked about on the blog yet... but want to record thoughts on, is that i have lead worship for our church community in a worship leader role twice now, soon to be 3 times in a couple weeks.
(not counting a few other times when i've led a song or two for other sundays or events).
I haven't wanted to share on here yet because I didn't want it to sound like a "look what I'm doing" post.
But in truth, worship is a huge part of my life. I want it to be part of my family's life. When my son draws stick figures on a piece of construction paper with music stands in front of them and the words "this is what you dow (do), this is what you dow..." and my daughter jumps out of the car singing "come on my soul..."
it strikes something major in my heart.
and i pray they continue to have promising words float through little heads throughout the day as they live their little lives.

I love talking about worship, I love processing what it is and what it means and the many ways we can worship, and though I am crazy in love with great music, it's becoming more than that.

now i need to know how to lead.
we don't attend a mega-church with crowds of people, we don't have dramatic lights and smoke machines, it's not dark.
we have a very simple space.
i actually find it more intimidating this way.

i don't have a guitar or piano in front of me...it's just me.

maybe someday... but thankfully skilled musicians are up there with me!

...and truth be told, it's scary.

it's nerve-wracking. 

i feel SO unadequate in many ways. seriously, who am i to be doing this? 

i wake up those sundays with a heart that's beating fast. mostly of nervousness. party because i am excited.

i know that with this role (however infrequent or frequent it becomes), brings a responsibility.

it brings criticism. unfortunately, it's inevitable.
(hopefully not too much?)

and that frightens me.
people make known what they enjoy or don't enjoy.
i like to please people
not a good thing, i have learned... as good as it "sounds." i have cared way too much about pleasing humans. an awareness of pleasing people is a good thing. too much of that, not so good. it can consume me. i start to feel it in my bones. if i know i've made someone unhappy or hurt, it will literally start to crush me and my neck and shoulders will take on physical pain.
 i can't please everyone (in worship or otherwise)
and that's OKAY.
amen, right?
this very realization alone has caused some major growth over time.

anyway, it's a role that i do not take lightly.
i know it won't come without it's bumps.
i'll choose songs that people don't like. i'll choose new songs that people don't know and don't get "into."
some may not like a woman leading them.

but it brings me to rely whole-heartedly on the One of whom I worship and make it pleasing to Him. 

to bring others into that space and help create some time for us to go deeper in His presence.

to bring it all... and to lift Him up.

and when I have that focus on Him, and my heart is in it - i mean, really in it.... and i'm not focused on myself...I can't even begin to express what happens.

It's real.

It's something I don't want to end.

I used to think when i was younger, "is heaven going to be boring? the bible says we're going to worship Him every day, all the time?" 

oh my GOSH, no.

how exciting and thrilling it will be!

there are times i just can't get enough.

as i grow in more knowledge of who He is and what He did for me....

i just want to pour myself out for Him. 

not just in leading but in everyday moments.
and it's in those everyday moments of worship that it will overflow into a sunday morning in a corporate setting. i can't just expect it to magically happen when i'm living self-consumed throughout the week.
i've realized i just need to STOP.
just BE. just be QUIET.
let God love on me.
give Him love in return.
it's so simple sometimes, yet we make it so complicated.

it keeps me realizing ...
whether in front of others or not,
He is so deserving of our worship.
everyday.
It is a gift to Him AND to us.

i love worship music so much because so many times they are the exact words i have in my heart but can't express on my own.
this is where i just need to STOP and play a song.

"how marvelous, how boundless is your love...is your love
how wonderful, sacrificial is your love for me."

(this song is really awesome to listen to LOUDLY)

so.... we'll see what this year brings with that, just wanted to share my thankfulness, excitement...

and yes, some fear and anxiousness.

but  mostly gratitude.

how we celebrated our 10 years

It's the year 2013!! 

Happy New year!!

I'm back. 

i love how i start every blog post like this.

For a bit anyways, till my next 3 month hiatus from blogging :) 

Blogging has not been a top priority apparently despite how much I want to record.

right now during this month of January, in my mom's group we're reading a book called "seven." 

7 areas of life, 7 areas of excess that we're trying to decrease (food, clothing, possessions, spending, media - which is this month's...) 

it's been really really good. and really really difficult. 

this month of limiting media might just be the hardest 

(toss up between that and food which i failed miserably on). 

more on that in another post and the things i'm trying to fill that space with; goals for the new year in general.

i'm already seeing - yes in just 2 days - how much more productive i can be.

also seeing how quickly and frequently i tend to go to my phone (or new tablet!) to scroll scroll scroll. 

also trying not to miss it. 

because i do! 

what in the world has everyone been up to??? 

:)

so while facebook, twitter and instagram may be "out" for this month

or 2-3 weeks, depending on how long i can last

blogging will not be included and i therefore hope to do some catch up of memories and thoughts from these past few months.

So the last time I blogged was right before we left for Disney - which was so so much fun & therefore will be a whole other blog post 

(which has been drafted but i got tired of uploading the ga-zillion pictures we have)

see how much blogging catch up i want to do?

Disney was our way of celebrating with our kids.

But I wanted to share the other way we celebrated.

So, let's whisk ourselves back to the hot month of August 

(ahhhh, warm weather sounds so good right now, it's so cold)

and let me start my blog catch up with our

ten year anniversary par-tay! 

we wanted to celebrate with family and friends with a big backyard party.

no, i promise it wasn't due to all the adorable DIY backyard parties and weddings i saw on pinterest.

maybe a little bit.

we wanted it to be something nice, very DIY, and just an all around GREAT time.

i'm telling you, we like to have FUN.

we love a good time, we love parties, we love our family and we love our friends.

oh and good food.

and while some of the people in our lives now we're at our wedding 10 years ago, many were not.

so we decided to celebrate with these people with good food, music and LOTS of dancing.

the backyard of our church building's property looked magical. 

shout out to my friend kurt's dad for the gorgeous tent that we only paid a donation for! 

thanks also to a bunch of amazing guy friends who came out the night before to put it up (no easy task) and for being monkeys, stringing lights everywhere (all the lights were from our church as well).

beautiful, right?

i bought a bunch of tablecloths and lace at the thrift store for the tables (which were our church's).

prettier than plastic and cheap.

and thank you pinterest for the idea of burlap and lace covered wine bottles and mason jars 

(which i borrowed from a few people - thank you dawn and julie!!) 

not surprisingly, all the wine bottles were ours in the months leading up to the party.

all consumed. 

yeah. we like wine.

my mom bought beautiful flowers at a local farm that she cut from the field herself (thank you mom!!) and i bought bunches of baby's breath at produce junction.

(photo by julie!)

it got really windy later that evening and vases/water started spilling all over the tables but no biggie.

though the folding chairs we used from our church are not the prettiest, i tried to cover them a bit with strips of burlap. 

eh, i tried.

(photo by julie!)

my friend Julie is crazy talented at decorating, sewing, crafting, anything -(she also took the amazing photos of us for our shoot where we got married) her style is adorable and i'm so thankful to her for helping me out by bringing her huge chalkboard, allowing me to use her fabric banner, and for making a beautiful "10" scrapbook paper banner that we used over the dessert table. thank you julie!!!

my friend Kelly  made the cute burlap photo booth backdrop (the balloons deflated a little) and brought such cute homemade props!! such amazing friends i have.

(photo by julie!)

here's the "bar" set up.

to keep costs down we had everyone bring a bottle of wine (or beer if they wished) and it helped SO much.

While we did most of the food ourselves, I could NOT have done it without help. 

Megan not only helped me brainstorm this splendid affair and listen to me talk about it, but she helped me with the menu and a huge Costco run (she's so good at figuring out how much we needed of everything), her and some friends helped me the night before set up and assemble anti-pasta skewers, my mom made an amazing marinated chicken and pineapple with an amazing dipping sauce (and did a few grocery trips for me, thank you mom), some guests brought appetizers, friends were in the kitchen with me minutes before the party started helping to cook pasta, heat appetizers and bring food out to the food table.

i mean, the community around us is one amazing crew. 

blessed blessed blessed.

dessert was cupcakes and a s'mores bar.

i think i had about 6 or so friends bring cupcakes (THANK YOU!!!).

they were awesome. reese's pieces peanut butter cupcakes, butterbeer cupcakes, mini white "wedding" cupcakes, vanilla cupcakes, chocolate peanut butter cupcakes. 

YUM.

the only thing i did for the dessert was a s'mores bar with a little portable terra cotta pot filled with charcoal for lighting a mini fire (yay pinterest). we had strawberry and regular marshmallows, cinn/choc/regular graham crackers, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, and peppermint patties.

so good.

thank you julie for your cute chalkboard slates!

and see the "10" banner over the dessert table? she made that in like 10 minutes. 

she's awesome.

i then had it hanging on our fireplace mantle for all of fall :)

our wonderful sweet family was all there & so thankful they were (we missed you leblanc family!!!)

(thank you Nic for making the trek out though you were still recovering from back surgery!)

this girl is pretty much my family & along with my sister, stood by my side 10 years ago as my maid of honor....

so thankful to have had her there for the party.

love you mols.

our amazing, wonderful friends who we love SO much.

seriously, each one of them brings something so special to our lives and influences us in many ways. 

we love you all and thank you for being there.

many special special people were there helping us celebrate who have influenced us in some way. 

we love you. 

(and i'm sure there were some who's picture were not taken)

and there were definitely many who could not be there that were terribly missed.

my oh-so-incredibly-cute new nephew, Tyce :)

just loved this picture with him and his grammy.

...and tyce's big sister kaylee - my gorgeous niece who i love so much!

love these pictures of us.

k. 

this guy needs a huge shout out.

my friend joe, who we just love.

i'm preeetty sure the fun level just wouldn't have been the same without his help and all he did for us and the party.

not only did he take all of the gorgeous photos you are looking at (he's a wedding photographer), but he also  made a beautiful slideshow of all the photos and songs i had given him with a program he has. and not only that, but he also compiled and played a huge amount of music for dancing.  

joe, THANK YOU. 

(and a big thank you to our friend Kurt for the awesome sound system you loaned us for the party!! we wouldn't have been able to hear the music joe was playing. so THANK YOU!!)

again, can't say it enough. we are so so blessed with the people who surround us.

see? people helping. friends just diving right on in and helping.

no one ever needs to be asked. 

(rach got caught eating an appetizer while she was helping!)
(megan handed me my wine and therefore, in that picture, she was helping)
;)

now that all the formal pics are done, let me show you how we partied.

and we partied...

like rock stars.

yeah we did.

d.j Joey proves it.

(yeah, that's sweat on his shorts. shows how much we ripped it up and how hot it was)

though the photobooth wasn't used too much, i'm thankful for this bunch that snapped a few!

so, the slideshow was one of my favorite parts of the night. it was projected up on the tent. right afterwards, we danced with our kids to our wedding song.  

Mia just let daddy hold her close (it's kind of a big deal that she even agreed to this) while Nolan showed off his moves by twirling me :)

after the kids left the party (only our kids along with our niece and nephew were "allowed" to attend the party. we encouraged everyone else to get babysitters, and so thankful they did!!)

....we DANCED.

some with boas...

(cutie molly who i love)

we danced....

and we danced...

and we danced.

did i mention we danced?

at this point it was POURING down rain. 

so naturally, 

julie and i did a couple laps running around the tent in the rain

(pshhaw of course)

after most people had left, some of this happened.

nice form jim!

that's my husband.

systems engineering can be hard. his days are long. 

i'm gonna say he needed to let loose.

(love how chris is clapping and i'm pointing for others to watch)

tony horton needs to add a pole in his workout dvd's.

take that tony.

this really happened.

i know, right??!

chris doesn't really need any excuse to climb anything. he does this sort of stuff all the time.

i mean, how fun!

even cleaning up was fun.

thank you friends, family and loved ones for being there.

we had such a great time 

(this is actually us thanking everyone for coming and our faces pretty much capture us so well)

...and we hope you did too.

once again, happy 10 years my love.

(can summer hurry up and get here now? can we have backyard outdoor parties like all summer long?)

and without further adieu, here is the slideshow of photos that started the evening off, which is very special to me.

Enjoy.
 

Disneybound

in exactly 2 weeks, 

we will be heading here.

and i'm about BURSTING out of my skin!

excited doesn't really cover it.

not at all.

we have been planning this vacation now for over a year and it is finally here!!! 

this will be our kids first time at disney and at ages 7 and 5 (almost), i think they are at great ages to go. 

mia couldn't be more "into" princesses.

nolan has officially caught the ride and rollercoaster "bug" and just might ride on rides till midnight if we let him. though not sure he'll even want to get off the monorail. 

(not even kidding)

both of them are young enough to have that awe of the magic that is Disney.

and because we have hyped it up all that there is to do and see there, the kids are way excited too. 

except they don't know when we are going.

teehee.

they just know it's "someday in the near future."

they have no clue how soon.

we fully plan on video taping their expressions when they wake up that morning

(or tell them the night before, but i can't imagine that will be a smart thing if we want them to get any sleep that night).

i am totally a Disney geek a little bit. 

grew up loving Disney and Disney World. 

i mean, jon and i danced to someday my prince will come at our wedding so....

that about explains it.

(and our first *chaperoned* date was at age 13 was to see Aladdin.)

i actually grew up obsessed with snow white.

one of the first times i went to Disney World, i was about mia's age.

we went to the spot where snow white was to be for a meet and greet.

she was late so we waited.

(the guy said that her carriage had broken down, when really she had a flat tire - gotta love Disney).

when she arrived, and it was my turn to meet her, (she was sitting down), i went up to her and she took my hands in hers.  She talked to me for awhile, and pulled me up on her lap for a picture. 

(not sure if she did this with the other kids, but apparently i only remember she did this with me and no one else! ... she probably did and i just imagined that it was just me because we were BFFs).

As if that wasn't enough, she signed her autograph and wrote "to my little twin" and gave me a big kiss on my cheek (wouldn't that like be illegal to do that now?)!! i remember beaming and my mom taking my picture with a bright red lipstick kiss mark on my cheek. 

i was her little twin!! we were sisters!!!

when we were leaving on the boat at night away from magic kingdom on our last day there, i was sobbing on my mom's shoulder, reaching for the castle (picture slow motion dramatic movie) and saying 

"i want to be with snow white!!!!"

i might have even said that i wanted snow white to be my mom.

(sorry mom!) 

haha.

so cute, so funny and a little ridiculous, but that was me.

my sweet sweet aunt who passed away way too early from cancer even called me throughout that year pretending she was snow white. 

so basically, i'm pretty much going to be crying with happiness as i watch my kids walk around with wide-eyed wonder and excitement.  

i mean, the song from the lion king, "the circle of life" - gets me choked up every time. 

when baby simba gets held up and presented to all the animals and they all bow. 

tear.

i've been doing my research (man, there are A LOT of tips and tricks out there for disney-goers!)... 

among them being ordering groceries from garden grocer that will deliver to your hotel the day you arrive so that we can have quick things for breakfast on our way out the door and so we can pack our lunches, with only buying occasional snacks in the parks and dinners, therefore saving money on food. 

i'm writing my lists of things to pack, figuring out which app to download on our phones for all the wait times of rides (one of the many reasons i'm thankful for technology for this trip. no worries, the phone will be put away during the day except for the occasional instagram picture or fb post :)), and picking up little clearance items of fun Disney stuff to give the kids each night (or morning) - {one of the best tips out there!!} - since everything there is so pricey in the parks and they are bound to want something. 

even fun glow sticks and things for the nighttime. 

i know my husband and he will not pay $20 for a glowing spinning mickey head. 

he just won't. 

thankful for friends who have already planned a Disney trip who keep giving me their tips and advice!

this is also our 10 year anniversary trip! 

once upon a time we thought we'd maybe go back to Italy, or go back to where we honeymooned....

but we're doing Disney.

the time has come.

and we will be celebrating with our kids.

and I couldn't be happier.

{my parents will be taking a vacation to the florida keys that same week so they are stopping in Orlando to spend a day at the magic kingdom with us}

:)

can't end this post without saying how extremely grateful we are for major help on this trip financially. we know a lady who works for Disney and is literally saving us SO much money. 

SUCH a blessing!!! 

(especially b/c we had a big party for our 10 year too - post on that coming soon!)

there will be a major long blog post on our trip when we get back with probably way too many pictures.

until then....

"see ya real soon!" 

:)

TEN

a decade.

a DECADE.

we have been this:

we've been married now for ten years.

TEN.

i have been married 10 whole years. 

to this man, here. 

he is a good GOOD man.

he is a dedicated man. he is a loyal man. he is a trustworthy man.

he is a dependable, reliable man.

a disciplined man.

he is a very honest man.

he has a servant's heart...
{one of the very first things that comes to mind immediately when i think about him}.

he is a sweet, sensitive man with a kind heart and a gentle soul.

he is an intelligent man, a hard working man.

he is an understanding man, who listens well and speaks with good intentions.

this is a man who loves Jesus very much and who strives to honor Him in all he does, keeping Him first.

this man is a stellar father.

stellar.

really, the best. 

watching him adore and love on our kids just makes me love him 10 times more. 

he has made me a mother to our 2 unbelievable precious kids who i love with all my heart;

simply the best gift in the world.

this man is my support.

he is an encouraging man.

who dreams with me...

about the future, about our goals, about his goals, about my goals.

he builds me up if i feel defeated or inadequate. makes me feel secure when i feel insecure.

he has my back. and i have his.

he is faithful.

and he loves me. he loves me so well.

SO WELL.

he really is the greatest gift God could have ever blessed me with.

he is my best friend in the whole world.

he is my prince.

he is SUCH a gift.

he loves our family. oh how he loves our family.

so very much.

for ten years (and more.. even at age 13:)), he has made me feel loved and special every single day.

there is nothing i wouldn't do for him.
and i know he feels the same for me.
i love it because we both genuinely want to serve each other.
something our pastor bruce said during our ceremony 10 years ago that always stuck with me was:
marriage isn't 50/50.
it's 100/100.
we have tried (we fail a lot) to strive towards the goal of "out-serving" one another.
sounds funny a little bit doesn't it?
trying to "out serve" one another, like it's a competition.

...it's the only competition i ever want to be in :)

we are so different from each other.
so different.
practically opposites.
he is practical. i am not so much.
he is punctual. well, we all know the answer the what i am.
he likes to be a little more scheduled and have a game plan for things we do.
i am a free-spirit who tends to go with the flow and be more spontaneous.
he is an engineer and likes to know how things work, strategies, numbers.
i am more creative and artsy. i pretty much sing and dance around every day.
he is a realist. i am a dreamer.
he is a problem solver. i just want to hug. or cry. or both.

i love him and who God made him to be.
and i love myself and who God made me to be.
but i love who we are together even more.
we balance each other out SO well.
we don't know what we'd do without each other.
we're good for each other.
i have learned not to apologize for who i am, though totally different from jon. but embrace it
(this took some time).
and i'm so glad jon embraces who he is.
we have learned more about each other and our own selves in these 10 years, and we will continue to grow and learn together.

 we took a 6 week marriage course together at our church, called the alpha marriage course.
a date where we were served a candlelit dinner each week were we went through a book together and our children were cared for.
amazing.
amazing that you can be married so many years and still learn more about each other.
we learned a lot.
we discussed a lot.
we listened to each other.
we tried to understand each other.
we talked about past hurts and forgave.
we explained our hopes, our goals, our dreams.
we discussed our love languages.
we gave each other ideas of how we could serve one another and make each other feel loved and special.
we talked about the need for dates and one on one time.
(we are blessed to have this opportunity frequently thanks to parents who live nearby and want to spend time with their grand kids and i am so thankful because it keeps us connecting and communicating.
SO important!)
we talked about parenting and how we were parented growing up.
family history.

i can't recommend it enough. i encourage you to find an alpha marriage course in your area and run to it!!!
it can literally save marriages.

Back to all these photos....

Our dear dear friends, Julie & Eric, took this photoshoot of our family.
I am so so thankful.

They drove with us to New Hope, in Bucks County (a little over an hour away) to the location of where we got married.

Holly Hedge Estate.

a beautiful enchanted B&B with an English cobblestone garden where we said our vows in front of family and friends.
It was a HOT hot day on August 16, 2002.
but it was the most memorable day of my lifetime.

To go back there WITH our kids...

to show them where we got married and to take photos with them on the
exact  stone steps where we became husband and wife...

i treasure these photos.
with ALL my heart.

and i will treasure them forever.

thank you Julie and Eric :)
we are so thankful for you.

here's a few more from the photoshoot, because i just can't NOT share them with you :)
there are a lot, and so many that i love!

this man.

i adore him.

he is my love.

happy ten years my husband.
i love you more than i could ever put into words.